Was Fear Really My Master?

Jumping in with both feet has not always been a characteristic of mine, especially when we are talking about the deep end, metaphorically speaking. Fear used to be my guide. He would hold my hand and lead me wherever he chose, I thought Fear was my protector, the thing that would keep me safe. I would let him lead me and I would follow along willingly. Fear that if I… what would people think, what would they say about me, what if I fail, what if they make fun of me, what if my thoughts of being stupid are real, what if I get hurt or they get hurt… It was better to just not do it than to have any of those things happen, and that was how I lived, in safety...or was it really bondage?

I had let fear run my life for so long, that I didn’t even realize that I was truly in bondage and that I was not safe. I missed out on so many things, did things I regret, and made my own family suffer because I thought fear kept us all safe. There were definitely times that I thought maybe I should have or shouldn’t have...but at that point, it was too late. I remember reading and hearing 1 John 4:18 “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” and then I read 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” not to mention the many times it says, “Do not fear”, over and over in the word. I knew in my head that these were all true, but surprise, I was afraid to let go of fear. Fear and Christ do not coexist.

Then the Lord, after I prayed for help, helped me walk through the most fearful situation in my life. Though I was not physically in any harm, my emotions, heart, mind , faith were all being challenged. He allowed me to be in a position that obedience to him meant healing for my marriage, husband and me. I certainly did not do it perfectly and made mistakes, but then when the Lord warned me that I could lose the promise of healing he had for me if I decided to choose fear over him, I knew that I had to obey.

It was hard, but I saw His faithfulness, experienced His healing and my marriage is fantastic! I knew that fear had to go. There were still times when fear would grab my hand and pull me. My husband told me that my fear was infecting our children. Ugh talk about stopping you dead in your tracks, it was true! My eyes saw how my children were making decisions based in fear, rather than faith. I had to pull up my big girl pants, rip my hands from fear's grip and jump in with both feet, into the deep end. It was the most freeing experience. The more I jumped, the less fear had a hold on me. I began to trust Christ in everything and let him guide me rather than fear. While I do still have times that I walk to the edge of the pool, if you will, back up, walk up to it again...maybe a few times, When I know I’m supposed to jump, I just jump. I must jump, because that is where freedom is. Fear is a taker, a manipulator, a captor, and a killer. Fear is not a protector and does not want the best. Freedom is in Christ, He is a savior, giver of life, a healer, and everything that you need.